Weekend's Headlines

Jon and Kate's Divorce Hearing Thrown Out
After months of bickering a judge threw out Kate Gosselin's divorce papers due to lack of relevance. "Why the hell should I waste my time on a golddigging whore and her pussy husband?" said Judge Jerry Anderson. "And besides, who the hell watches TLC in the first place?"

God Dresses up as Tim Tebow for Halloween
After weeks of speculation God appeared dressed up as University of Florida quarterback Tim Tebow at the annual Heaven meets Halloween party in Trenton, New Jersey. God said he chose Tebow because he "wanted to be the epitome of perfection for a night" and that "Tim Tebow is my idol."

Language Experts and Code Breakers reveal findings after 20 years of research
After two decades of researching the English language a group of language experts from Brown University presented their findings at the Conference of Language in Indianapolis. "After analyzing every form of writing from ancient cuneiform and hieroglyphics to Latin and modern English for the past twenty years we can say with complete confidence that race car spelled backwards is in fact race car.

Notorious S.O.G. drops another sample
Hip-Hop sensation Notorious S.O.G. (aka Jesus Christ) dropped another sample from his album "Notorious S.O.G.: Resurrected Again" entitled "Party at the Pearly Gates" S.O.G. is excited about "Party" saying that "It's my best song yet and the chorus is off the chains."

Put my halo on
Light up the new bong
And my worries just wash away
I'm ridin Shawty right now
We're doing it upside down
Put my halo on
Light up the new bong
We're gonna freebase blow all day
Yeah, it's a party at the pearly gates
Yeah, it's a party at the pearly gates